I have had and most of us have had glimpses into the Infinite. They can actually make your life more miserable than ever when they fade. Where did it go? What did I do wrong? How do I get it back? In her latest book and CD's Gangaji addresses this yearning and grief directly.

Driven by a debilitating depression, I have been on a desperate search for someone or something that could give me relief. IB and Dr. Paul have really helped me in three important areas: getting me to take responsibility for my own inner world, showing me how I suffered from my own mistreatment and surrounding me with enough love to feel safe enough to learn from my pain and to break my heart wide open.

The unspoken message of IB to me has always been that there is enough love in the world to heal even your pain.

Two of my most powerful experiences happened at IB intensives. I can tell from Dr. Paul's reaction, they were not typical. I have had to look elsewhere for information and support. I investigated western and eastern religions and came up almost empty. There is a fringe group I was repeatedly drawn to. Mystics. They come from various religious backgrounds. They all value awareness and experience over knowledge and understanding and most of them say over and over that this experience is available to all of us. Sometimes called oneness or love or God or life or reality or enlightenment or truth or light or joy or liberation, it is best left undescribed.

There are many myths about these experiences. Most include words like permanent and perfect.

Gangaji in THE DIAMOND IN YOUR POCKET asks what do you want enlightenment for?

The answer exposes the agenda behind the search.

She explains quickly that we get no thing out of enlightenment. That experiences by their very nature must pass. That we don't get to own it or control it but we can let it own and control us.

My favorite word to describe these experiences is delicious, during these experiences I get to experience the deliciousness of life and myself as a part of it. And now whether based on present experience or memory, I can let my behavior be guided by that deliciousness.

Gangaji's message is STOP. Stop any searching, doing, itinerary or procedure you are using to get anything that you think you are missing or lacking. And realize that it is already here because you are it. You brought it with you (actually it brought you) and you can never be separated from it except in your mind.

I call it getting lost in the present moment or melting into the present moment. It's a choice to stop searching, denying and avoiding and just relax into this present situation with its attendant thoughts and feelings. If you are afraid, lose yourself in the fear, if you are in pain, lose yourself in the pain, then look for the source of it, the truth of it, the gift of it. Backtrack to the point, where you can see yourself choosing it and choose again.

Gangaji calls this the choiceless choice after we see the absurdity of choosing suffering. We can and will still do it but it takes the power away from it and adds humor. This might be one way to say that enlightened beings take life lightly. She also points out that seemingly negative emotions are just as much a part of life as love and bliss and call for correction not punishment. That pain is necessary but suffering is optional.

She's the first person I have heard talk about the grief and shame of losing a spiritual experience. Her book is highly recommended as are her CD's: THE MOMENT OF CHOICE and INNOCENCE, TRUST AND SELF-BETRAYAL.

In the service of Love and Truth